Goldeneagle

Goldeneagle

The sun hovered a moment longer than usual tonight;
Just before it set - one last sparkling moment of daylight;
A reminder of the warmth and the light that surrounds us.

In this moment I saw a bird rise from the horizon and soar
Not hampered by gravity; gracefully rising from the earth to the sky
Reaching for the unknown - floating beyond sight.

Moving from this world to the next - in that last gleaming light
Paused for but a moment to lovingly look back;
Grateful for the life he lived - for family and for friends.

Goldeneagle - a US veteran from Alaska died tonight after

a long battle with cancer.

He had a good heart that lives on in his family and friends.

( in memory of John Mullins July 26, 2010 )

DYSFUNCTION

DYSFUNCTION
The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

The quote above is one of my favorites from Despair.com.

I have it on my desk at work, and on one of my bookshelves at home. It is a constant reminder that somewhere in the world there are most probably several people in therapy today just because of me!!! As easy as it is to blame others, or the world at large, for mishaps, I seem to have also been present for all of those events that could be described as "less than satisfying".

Now I know perfection does NOT exist; I tell myself this many times a day in a futile attempt to asuage my guilt for not being just that; perfect. I don't even come close to the letter "P" in the word. I fail with family, friends, coworkers, gaming, and neurosurgery almost daily in one way or another. (ok - so I have never tried neurosurgery, but I am SURE that would be a failure also so I do not put anyone at risk to prove my point).

I think one lesson to learn from all of this awareness might be humility. Sometimes all you can do is say you are sorry, ask forgiveness, and try to do better next time. Not as an 'excuse', but as an attempt to grow. If you are always apologizing after the fact, and repeatedly performing the same way, there is no longer meaning to your words. I struggle every day with pausing for that most important moment BEFORE I say or do something "again" .

On the other hand, it IS fun to piss off people from time to time - but I also find that mostly to be about me wanting to control the outcome ( like I don't really know what will happen lol ) or me wanting to inflict hurt when I am the one hurting.

deep breath - and pause ....

There really is value in the silence between words!

* cute * (in an email from my niece Emily)

If you wake up in a red room
with no windows and doors,
DON'T panic..

you're just in my
heart

Where do we go?

Where do we go…

when we die…

when our bodies no longer inhabit this world?

Where do we go?

Do we view a highlight reel of our lives in the waiting room between life and death? Do we cringe at the moments we wish to redo?

Do we clap when we view a kindness we shared?

Or do we wait for a moment, or an eternity, in silence?

Do we look down and count the people lost

in their tears and their memories of us?

Do we count the number of friends and relatives

who come to grieve?

Do we look back at all,

or look ahead towards the light and wonder?

Do we find ourselves surrounded by darkness?

Do we cease to exist in every way the moment we die?

When it is over, is it really over??

The mystery of death…we do not know until we experience it,

and in experiencing it we can no longer share our story.

The living find comfort in the beliefs they share.

We are in a better place…

we are no longer in pain…

we want for nothing…

our ‘spirit’ lives on.

Perhaps we are recycled and born again…

perhaps we observe the living from afar?

Perhaps … perhaps not.

Nothing makes it more apparent that we should treasure every day

than when it is one second too late.

We have heard it said a multitude of ways

- ‘we shall never pass this way again’ –

a moment cannot be relived.

Do not fear death; fear not living.

Live fully each day and love unconditionally,

like there is nothing you would rather be doing.

There really isn’t…