...clutter....part 2

....now let's talk about the stationary bicycle....

another strange thing happens almost annually ...a piece of exercise equipment, large or small appears in my home. occasionally it gets assembled...usually it is only partially so! I am not sure, but I think there is an exercise fairy that appears later in life to take over for the tooth fairy. this fairy seems to cast a spell on me so that I once again (yes, this is a repetitive process) convince myself that I will save money by purchasing a piece of exercise equipment vs. going to a fully equipped gym. I am also convinced that my fragile self-esteem will be protected from the harm that would befall it in a public place.

I do believe I save money. Before the exercise fairy appeared, I used to sign up for months at a gym, go for the initial training, and then within a week or two, never go back. I was what you might call a walking 'profit margin' for said establishments. I had nothing to show for it; but this did not deter me because oft times the very same year, after a cooling off period, I would go through the same process.

By having a tangible item now placed awkwardly in my living room or bedroom to trip over, I could see where my money went on a daily basis. On those times when I actually assembled the equipment, I was able to watch TV from an uncomfortable position until the inevitable laundry ended up draped all over the contraption trying to dry. I was at best reclaiming a little floor space for a truly useful purpose. After months or years, I would finally realize a $10 wooden rack offered better drying properties than the tubular steel winding from floor to ceiling, and I would get rid of the item...for the time being.

For those times when the item never actually got assembled in total, I have no place to hang laundry, and suffer many stubbed toes.

These rituals also plague me...I am looking at a partially-assembled recombinant bicycle. I have been looking at it for over 3 years if memory serves me correctly. It definitely is on my de-clutter list. It has not moved any closer to the door yet on its own. I am not quite sure what this means. Perhaps personally torturing myself with the 'you should have's serves a macabre purpose in my life? I believe I will need to think about this one a while longer. Craig's list awaits... but I need to get rid of that d#!% guitar first!

Paper Cranes ...

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more

Gather friends and family close; bury those who’ve died; lay them back into the earth becoming the foundation of the new world you must create. Their lives; their hopes and dreams; their future integrates with yours.

In the agonizing song Mother Earth sang as the ground shook and the waves crashed; listen carefully for the song of life. Deep within the pain, there lies the need for rebirth.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more
Carefully dried…in sunlight bright
Paper cranes survive the night

No day will ever be the same. No sunrise will ever miss your gaze. No sunset will ever pass unnoticed. Forever changed; the choice now yours…will you move forward or shutter the doors? Heartbeats pause in the race for life…

Make bricks from the earth and the water – the force their destruction brought now becomes strength forming a new future – not just recreating the past.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more
Gentle hands … begin to fold
Creating stories yet to be told.

Cry for the souls of your people…listen as the cries evolve into a rallying cry… calling all to keep moving ‘through’ the pain… do not linger there lest you get lost … follow the cries to gather; to rebuild; to begin the process of healing; to struggle on until life is yours once again.

Close your eyes to the horror…it is already indelibly written in your mind and on your heart. Now is the time to take a step…a blind step towards a future you do not believe in..not yet. Close your eyes…open your heart. There is love everywhere. Let it touch you. Let it move you when your feet refuse another step. Keep moving… keep building…keep loving… keep believing.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled and wet … they flew no more

Until refolded with utmost love

The cranes took wing in the sky above

Looking down as they took wing

They believe again; they live; they sing.

Music ...

Music ….

The sound of the rain
The chirp of a bird
Voices in a crowd
The unspoken word


Music is an amazing thing …it elicits feelings of every variety…inspires…soothes…energizes. The ‘soundtrack’ of a movie can get your body and mind ready, in anticipation of the next event before you even see the scene unfold.

I think there is an underlying ‘soundtrack’ to our lives. I believe we each write the song of our existence just as we write the storyline. Each day, each moment, by choices planned or unplanned, we write on our hearts the very meaning of our lives.

I love player pianos! I love that a piece of paper full of holes can create the most beautiful sounds. A life full of holes is not necessarily lacking – it is what lies in those empty spaces that make the true music; what tells the whole story. The white space is necessary – the pauses, the constant and the quiet – the mundane and the repetitive. It is the holes that build out the depth and the height of the music; it is the holes that define us at our best and our worst; it is the holes that let the light in and open us up to the world; it is the holes that let the music play.

Lui Collins, a favorite local folk artist of mine, “Moondancer”

Moondancer, moondancer, I'll be a moondancer
Glide as I waltz on my clumsy old feet
Once I was conscious of every false step
Now I dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

I have a friend who was awkward and shy
He was not like the others but he didn't know why
When all that he wanted was just to be cool
He tried playing the hero, he'd just play the fool.

Moondancer, moondancer, now he's a moondancer
Glides as he waltzes on clumsy old feet
Once he was conscious of every false step
Now he dances in moonlight with no one to see.

My little girl is so lovely and free
As ease with her body, she's nothing like me
No one has taught her to be someone else
At this tender age she takes joy in herself.

Moondancer, moondancer, she is a moondancer
Glides as she waltzes on graceful young feet
She's never been conscious nor watched every step
So she dances in moonlight with no one to see.

My little son is the joy of my days
A gift come unto me to lighten my way
Though he cannot walk, he has led me to You
For though body is matter, the spirit is Truth.

Moondancer, moondancer, he is a moondancer
Glides as he waltzes on straight and strong feet
Knowing no limits, his body's set free
To dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

Moondancer, moondancer, let us be moondancers
Glide as we waltz on our graceful old feet
Accepting no limits, we set ourselves free
To dance in the moonlight with no one to see
Let us dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

©1984 and 1985 Molly Gamblin Music (BMI)

treedancer ...

I gaze up towards the moonlight
Filtered through the leaves above
My spirit rises to the surface
My heart and soul are filled with love

I stretch upon my toes
And reach up into the sky
Choosing just the right star
And beckoning it nigh

I hang the star from branches
Now it twinkles from the tree
With grounding roots beneath

My spirit's now set free

My soul is singing sweetly
As my body heeds the tune
No words, just sparkling melodies
As I dance beneath the moon

The tree begins to join me
As it does a gentle sway
In freedom I find oneness
And all else is washed away

I am dancing in the moonlight
I am swaying with the trees
I am singing with the universe
No one is watching me

My spirit wanders skyward
As my joy engulfs this space
My feet are rooted firmly
As the tree, I now embrace

My silent song is ending
When the sun begins ascent
Melodies, now memories
My energy is spent

I rest in shade so generously
Bestowed above my head
My body curls amongst the moss

This forest - now my bed

And when again I waken
And go about my day
I long again for moonlight
Where I am free to play

My 'Bucket' List

... some are daily reminders

.... some are things that do not need reminding

... some are just wishes...

Make sure my son always knows he is loved

Meet a friend(s) I have not met yet

ALWAYS treat everyone with compassion

Thank the Universe

'Flow Gently'

Live healthier

Minimize clutter - mind body spirit

Read every day

Homemade gifts

Renew passport

Use passport

Volunteer

Write often

Osnat*

Find joy in each day

Live in childlike wonder

Ask silly questions

Live new experiences

Be OPEN

Music music music

(*Osnat is an artist whose abstract, brilliant paintings I enjoy)

Buckets of Gratitude

Several times a year I think about writing up a Bucket List. As a perennial list writer, I would probably have several versions … the ‘Doable-list’; the ‘far-fetched Wish-list’; the ‘Dreams-list’; the ‘what-can-I-do for humanity-list’; etc.

I currently make lists for many things – I have been a list writer for years. I make lists for grocery shopping; I make lists of all the things that need doing this week/month/year. Some days when the list is overwhelming, I add things that I have already done to the list so I can immediately cross them off and not feel like a total failure for lack of time, resources, energy to accomplish anything else remaining on the list!

I certainly could benefit from a Bucket List – a wish-list of all the things yet to be experienced in life. I believe in motivational reminders … eventually they get through to ones subconscious and gently tap you on the shoulder so that you move towards a goal.

For me though, I think I would like to first dig a deep, deep well. Into this well I would place all of the millions of things in life I am grateful for. On days when my Bucket is empty, I can lower it down into the well and pull up random people, experiences and blessings I have encountered in my life. I can laugh, love, savor and relearn from all that has passed. When I peer into the Bucket’s contents I will be comforted; I can laugh and smile at the joys shared; and always be reminded that life has truly been good.

On days when I fill up my Bucket, I can gently place these new blessings down in to the well. There they will sit until needed – those times when I need to dig deep within myself for inspiration; when I need to salve a wound; when I need to surround myself with warmth; when I need to relearn that love exists in the world.

I will dig my deep Well. Over it I will hang my bucket that will be used for both deposits and withdrawals. My list making will go on, with perhaps one little change ….I think my list should contain stars that I call down from the skies. On these stars I will write kindnesses that I will try to fulfill each day for others. Some stars will be for simple moments of pure joy that I experience. Some stars will be for unexpected adventures that I am presented with. All of these stars will be placed in the Well, filling it with light. Like fireflies on a summer’s eve, the light will twinkle with a knowing wink that there are a lifetime of wonders within and always room for more.