simple .....?

MY mission.....to get a small gas can, some sta-bil, 2.5 gallons of gas .....drive to a friends house and winterize a car gas tank.

Step 1: go to Auto Parts store and get the ingredients. the gas can was no problem; bright red it caught my eye immediately - and i selected the smallest, cheapest one for this one-time chore. looking all over, i was unable to find the dry gas/sta-bil. after finally asking for 'directions', i had my 2nd ingredient and cashed out.

Step 2. put gas in the can. how much easier can this be? after (with some degree of difficulty) removing the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism-engulfed-gas-cap, i removed the inverted nozzle and small round tab; filled the can and ......dilemma!!! i did not want to insert the nozzle inverted into the gas (thinking i would get 'gassy' when trying to pour the gas into the car shortly) i recalled the small round tab that i also removed ..... hmmmmm... this must be the temporary cover ! i placed it over the hole, and began screwing the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism-engulfed-gas-cap back onto the can. slight problem ... the round tab was loose and sliding around, AND i had mis-threaded the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism-engulfed-gas-cap while screwing it back on. not to be deterred, i thought 'perhaps the looseness is really the need for 'breathing' room for the gas. into my trunk went the can, the nozzle and my fervent hopes that the 10-mile drive would be uneventful.

before we get to step 3, i would like to point out that the fumes from the gas can permeated the car before i even left the gas station. windows were opened, and had it been a warm enough day, my convertible top would have sprung open. (sad to say those roofs have a temperature sensor that has annoyed me on more that one occasion of need!)

10 miles later and with a budding fume-headache i arrive at my destination.

Step 3. i have inhaled enough fumes to have already forgotten that i could not unscrew the gas cap at the gas station ... now i am enjoying my 'Groundhog Day' moment as i try to unscrew the top to apply the nozzle and pour the gas into the car. After 30 unsuccessful moments i am ready to cry. in the garage, unseen, i am plotting my redemption. one neighbor fixes cars - surely he can see my predicament ....well....most likely not as i am surrounded by garage walls and in this case... not going to give up and ask for help. i set the nozzle and sta-bil on the shelf, the can on the floor, and head out.

time for plan B.

i decide to bring a kitchen knife and saw off the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism that engulfs the cap!!! Halloween at noon (by now i have worried all weekend that some random smoking trick-or-treater will serendipitously throw their butt in the direction of what i can only imagine is the fume filled garage in anger over the lack of treats at that house) i drive over with 2 small screwdrivers for leverage and a sharp kitchen knife.

the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism-engulfed-gas-cap is STRONG! it takes me a good 15 minutes to saw off the plastic-childproof-locking-mechanism. success!!! i measure the correct amount of sta-bil, pour it into the gas can, attach the nozzle and screw on the top. i am almost there .....

alas...there is another child-proof-green 'lock' on the freakin' nozzle. i actually pause to try to read (and understand) the instructions. now i wear glasses and am getting old to boot! i practically need a different pair of glasses for ever few inches of distance. and i am pretty angry about another 'lock'...so my internal vision has become clouded. i try, and try and try...but cannot get the gas to come out ......

time for plan B+

i head back to work, say lots of prayers that the neighborhood has instituted a pretty strong no-smoking initiative ......and decide i need a funnel with a long spout to finally accomplish this task.

a week later i have now purchased the funnel and will be heading over to complete this tiny, simple task .......

voila!

the smell of gas still premeates my car because it did spill in the trunk - but i remain hopeful that by Spring, it will have worn itself out.

Thanks Giving (2011)

Thank you for getting up each day;
for doing the work you do;
for being the person you are.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts;
sharing your home;
sharing your sustenance;
sharing your life
with those you love…with those you care about.

Thank you for fighting the battles you fight each day;
for keeping the peace;
for navigating the dilemmas that face you often.

Thank you for being there to lend a hand;
to listen to a story;
to notice the good in each person
and to see the injustices in the world.

Thank you for your inner beauty;
your inner strength;
and your outer effort
to take life step-by-step,
moment-by-moment.

Thank you for being gentle with yourself;
for your tears of sorrow and of joy;
for your resolve to never give up;
and for your unconditional love
towards everyone.

Thank you …
the gift of your life
is a true blessing

2011 (la)

Yoonok

A friend of mine passed away in September this year. She was an eclectic person… she was someone born to live both a difficult and a blessed life.

As a child, her memory recorded the fascinations of the world growing up as every child does; she stored away the teachings of her mother and absorbed the wisdom of her grandmother. She grew in the love of her family, her siblings and of her surroundings in South Korea.

Yoonok came to the USA to pursue her dream of getting a PhD. She not only mastered the language here, she excelled at her studies and was awarded her PhD after many, many years of hard work and dedication.

Shortly after, a medical crisis prevented her from living out this particular dream. Not one to be inactive, Yoonok took up gardening and used her childhood memories, her mothers love and her grandmother’s wisdom to develop a new philosophy of life. She spent her remaining days teaching others the blessings of simple, natural foods…peaceful thoughts…and of evaluating life with a calm perspective.

She taught everyone she knew the healing art of self forgiveness. She elicited followers in her quest to educate all people about the inherent global need for unconditional love; as well as the need to lavish kindness and forgiveness on every person - everywhere.

Yoonok’s dream blossomed in her garden; it expanded with her multi-cultural research; and she poured it all into her healing recipes, her writings and her ‘happy’ garden.

Not everyone is a gardener … we must all find our own path in life. What ever we ‘plant’…we need to nurture…we need to feed…we need to love. Whatever we do we need to put forth our best selves…gather like minds…encourage like souls…grow the piece of the world we are responsible for. Make our corner strong, peaceful, welcoming, loving, accepting and most of all forgiving.

If your niche is music – make it, write it, share it, sing it…listen to it…openly welcome others…learn from each other. Are you a healer? Do you work with wood? Do you draw, bake, drive, dance, jump, take pictures??? Are you present…can you tell the stories of others…? Can you hold a friend’s hand silently?

Everyone “IS” …everyone “DOES”…everyone “CAN” be the piece that has been missing in someone’s life. Forgive…always forgive. Love …unconditionally love. Most of all, just Do it! It needs to get done…

link to a friend ...

http://www.badcartridge.com/alt-tabbed-wow-for-noobs/

check out Heath's (aka Zhane's) WOW cartoon - and his other posts ....

How little it takes ....

There is the saying about the camel .. you know, the one straw that finally broke the camel's back..that whole concept works in reverse also. How little it takes to make a person smile, or feel heard, or feel loved.
Miniscule things we do every day can make or break a person. You never know what is going on in another person's life at the moment you tell them how dumb they are or how nice their haircut looks.
Sometimes just the act of "noticing" can mean a great deal; or not noticing ...

random strangers, co-workers, friends, family

how little it takes ... and how much power we each wield to do more than a little
harm ... or ... good ... or ... indifference
in our world --- in the lives of those we pass
in the hearts of those we love

Dad

When I was little, I looked ”up” to you for the simple reason that you were so much taller than I was. Over time, as I began to interact in the world more, I looked to you to learn the Golden Rule. I saw neighborhood kids who respected you for your strength in knowing what was wrong and what was right. We all knew that if something was happening, you would be the one to set it right.

I remember our 4H club; all the things you taught us; the places we went; the experiences we had. I loved the fairs where we could show off our animals, crafts, art-work, vegetables, flowers ….you taught us to take pride in hard work brought to fruition.

There were the Doodle-bug pulls…the mini-bikes….snowmobiles. Time at Lake Bomoseen swimming, learning to row, drive a motor boat, playing for hours in the water with a swamped wooden boat. Drives at dusk looking for deer….

Days of weeding, pulling dandelions (getting paid by the bushel), picking vegetables, flowers and fruit to sell. Sunday drives to nowhere with a hidden snack in the glove compartment stopping for cider and apples. Learning archery, how to shoot a gun, how to make a birdfeeder, woodworking, how to repair broken things we valued. Having our own cider press so we could make the freshest and best cider ever. Learning to drive a car in the field our back, driving tractors and lawnmowers. Having a tire swing…a Fort in our backyard to play in…

You taught us, by example, to be strong and self-sufficient. We learned to be critical thinkers and to keep up with what is going on in the world. We learned economics by selling farm goods in front of the house. We learned ….many, many lessons to get us through everyday life. Too many to remember and write on this paper.

The Christmas tree farm was a lesson in long-term planning. It takes many seasons to grow a tree. Knowing that the payout was not immediate, but the work still must be done daily, weekly, yearly was a great lesson in life. Raising children is a bit like growing Christmas trees; a lot of work, a bit of pruning, good soil, some water… and eventually they go on to serve their purpose in life.

As an adult I still look up to you – you are still taller than I, but that is not the reason. I look up to you and the life you lived because you have lived an honorable life. You worked hard at your job, raised wonderful organic gardens and a family that I am proud to belong to. You went on to raise Christmas trees, build toys for children in the hospital, and stand tall for the things you believe in. You have mentored many children, not just your own. You are both a father and a friend to cousin Jack.

Best of all you are my dad.

Thank you!
Love always …

the screen was solid blue

- the video clip had ended minutes before
and only two words remained

"no signal"

the pall bearers gently lifted the child's casket ......

have you ever shared a word with someone who does not speak the same as you?
did they know that the word you spoke was both resonant and true?

have you ever shared a story that was sent from heart to heart,
even when the two of you were so very far apart?

have you ever shared a whisper, so soft that none could hear,
and listened quite intently for a reply from someone dear?

have you ever sent a kiss so light and sweet upon the winds,
and hoped it landed gently upon all your long, lost friends?

have you ever sent a heartfelt wish across the open skies,
and seen the glimmer of hope appear in a faraway set of eyes?

have you ever sent your heart soaring up beyond the sky above,
and waited for the moment that it rained back down the purest love?

have you ever emptied out your soul and felt life just drain away,
only to realize you had just made room for more good to come your way?

have you ever ...stopped... just for a bit... to savor all you see?
have you ever forgot to start again being who you were meant to be?

Mother’s Day 2011

Spring is when life renews…and we are reminded of the person who brought us life; the person who nurtured us and then gave us our wings.

Whoever you call ‘mother’; whoever you looked to when you were young for care, guidance and love; whoever inspires you to be a kinder human being; today we honor that person in our lives.

Remember that the love experienced throughout our lives continues to grow inside of us, waiting to be shared again and again across the generations. All the kindness, smiles, and hugs that we received have taught us the value of sharing simple joys with others.

All of the love we have experienced is ours now to give away – it is free and endless! On this day, and throughout the year, take a moment to reflect on the person who nurtured you; recall the life lessons they taught you; make them yours.

… and never stop sharing the love

Innocence lost …

I am saddened to hear the words "He was caught. Justice was realized."

assassination is not justice

no matter how heinous the crime

no matter how heinous the criminal

Clutter.... in G#

Minimize clutter - mind, body, spirit...one of the reminders on my 'bucket list'. In an effort to de-clutter my environment, I have been trying to clear out the accumulations of a partial-lifetime. Silly things, paper things, old things ... things that do not fit my body, my life, my goals any longer.

I came across a guitar, unused, in a closet. This is not the first unused guitar I have ever owned. This is one in a long line of unused guitars I have owned...somewhere in my silly head I keep thinking that miraculously I will wake up one day and with discipline I have yet to discover, start practicing and playing this instrument.

Today was, once again, NOT that day.

There are things we yearn to do in life that we should never discard; dreams that we still need to pursue...and then there is the neverending presence of an unused guitar in my closet. Not a talent I have ever had; not a gift lurking in my soul waiting for the right moment to jump out and promote me into the realm of Segovia....or Lui Collins...or Lady Gaga. Right up there with my desire to dance and sing, that guitar sits just out of sight; day in and day out.

I am not quite sure what this guitar, and my inability to post it on Craig's list so it can follow in the path of previous unused guitars, really means. Perhaps it is that there are so many beautiful gifts and skills in life that we cannot each experience ...perhaps it is a reminder to find the things we can do and to keep doing them? Somewhere in the world there is a person sitting looking at a pile of old Tee-shirts and wishing they could make a really nifty necklace out of them. I should ditch the guitar and stock up on sissors and save those people...because I do know how to do that! Perhaps I can write a story, an essay, a poem...to get someone through their day, and they in turn will play me a song...and I will listen to the sweet music and my day will be better.

I need to pass this guitar along, and not replace it once again 3 months down the road. I need to seek out the music the world already offers; perhaps dance in the moonlight, and when the windows of my car are rolled up tightly, sing at the top of my lungs ... and call it a 'really good day'.

The guitar is not my muse...but the music it makes belongs to all of us...a musician will find the notes, and a singer will find the words, and the world will hear the song.

And last, but not least, I will find my way.

...clutter....part 2

....now let's talk about the stationary bicycle....

another strange thing happens almost annually ...a piece of exercise equipment, large or small appears in my home. occasionally it gets assembled...usually it is only partially so! I am not sure, but I think there is an exercise fairy that appears later in life to take over for the tooth fairy. this fairy seems to cast a spell on me so that I once again (yes, this is a repetitive process) convince myself that I will save money by purchasing a piece of exercise equipment vs. going to a fully equipped gym. I am also convinced that my fragile self-esteem will be protected from the harm that would befall it in a public place.

I do believe I save money. Before the exercise fairy appeared, I used to sign up for months at a gym, go for the initial training, and then within a week or two, never go back. I was what you might call a walking 'profit margin' for said establishments. I had nothing to show for it; but this did not deter me because oft times the very same year, after a cooling off period, I would go through the same process.

By having a tangible item now placed awkwardly in my living room or bedroom to trip over, I could see where my money went on a daily basis. On those times when I actually assembled the equipment, I was able to watch TV from an uncomfortable position until the inevitable laundry ended up draped all over the contraption trying to dry. I was at best reclaiming a little floor space for a truly useful purpose. After months or years, I would finally realize a $10 wooden rack offered better drying properties than the tubular steel winding from floor to ceiling, and I would get rid of the item...for the time being.

For those times when the item never actually got assembled in total, I have no place to hang laundry, and suffer many stubbed toes.

These rituals also plague me...I am looking at a partially-assembled recombinant bicycle. I have been looking at it for over 3 years if memory serves me correctly. It definitely is on my de-clutter list. It has not moved any closer to the door yet on its own. I am not quite sure what this means. Perhaps personally torturing myself with the 'you should have's serves a macabre purpose in my life? I believe I will need to think about this one a while longer. Craig's list awaits... but I need to get rid of that d#!% guitar first!

Paper Cranes ...

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more

Gather friends and family close; bury those who’ve died; lay them back into the earth becoming the foundation of the new world you must create. Their lives; their hopes and dreams; their future integrates with yours.

In the agonizing song Mother Earth sang as the ground shook and the waves crashed; listen carefully for the song of life. Deep within the pain, there lies the need for rebirth.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more
Carefully dried…in sunlight bright
Paper cranes survive the night

No day will ever be the same. No sunrise will ever miss your gaze. No sunset will ever pass unnoticed. Forever changed; the choice now yours…will you move forward or shutter the doors? Heartbeats pause in the race for life…

Make bricks from the earth and the water – the force their destruction brought now becomes strength forming a new future – not just recreating the past.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled, wet … they fly no more
Gentle hands … begin to fold
Creating stories yet to be told.

Cry for the souls of your people…listen as the cries evolve into a rallying cry… calling all to keep moving ‘through’ the pain… do not linger there lest you get lost … follow the cries to gather; to rebuild; to begin the process of healing; to struggle on until life is yours once again.

Close your eyes to the horror…it is already indelibly written in your mind and on your heart. Now is the time to take a step…a blind step towards a future you do not believe in..not yet. Close your eyes…open your heart. There is love everywhere. Let it touch you. Let it move you when your feet refuse another step. Keep moving… keep building…keep loving… keep believing.

Paper cranes ….washed ashore
Crumpled and wet … they flew no more

Until refolded with utmost love

The cranes took wing in the sky above

Looking down as they took wing

They believe again; they live; they sing.

Music ...

Music ….

The sound of the rain
The chirp of a bird
Voices in a crowd
The unspoken word


Music is an amazing thing …it elicits feelings of every variety…inspires…soothes…energizes. The ‘soundtrack’ of a movie can get your body and mind ready, in anticipation of the next event before you even see the scene unfold.

I think there is an underlying ‘soundtrack’ to our lives. I believe we each write the song of our existence just as we write the storyline. Each day, each moment, by choices planned or unplanned, we write on our hearts the very meaning of our lives.

I love player pianos! I love that a piece of paper full of holes can create the most beautiful sounds. A life full of holes is not necessarily lacking – it is what lies in those empty spaces that make the true music; what tells the whole story. The white space is necessary – the pauses, the constant and the quiet – the mundane and the repetitive. It is the holes that build out the depth and the height of the music; it is the holes that define us at our best and our worst; it is the holes that let the light in and open us up to the world; it is the holes that let the music play.

Lui Collins, a favorite local folk artist of mine, “Moondancer”

Moondancer, moondancer, I'll be a moondancer
Glide as I waltz on my clumsy old feet
Once I was conscious of every false step
Now I dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

I have a friend who was awkward and shy
He was not like the others but he didn't know why
When all that he wanted was just to be cool
He tried playing the hero, he'd just play the fool.

Moondancer, moondancer, now he's a moondancer
Glides as he waltzes on clumsy old feet
Once he was conscious of every false step
Now he dances in moonlight with no one to see.

My little girl is so lovely and free
As ease with her body, she's nothing like me
No one has taught her to be someone else
At this tender age she takes joy in herself.

Moondancer, moondancer, she is a moondancer
Glides as she waltzes on graceful young feet
She's never been conscious nor watched every step
So she dances in moonlight with no one to see.

My little son is the joy of my days
A gift come unto me to lighten my way
Though he cannot walk, he has led me to You
For though body is matter, the spirit is Truth.

Moondancer, moondancer, he is a moondancer
Glides as he waltzes on straight and strong feet
Knowing no limits, his body's set free
To dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

Moondancer, moondancer, let us be moondancers
Glide as we waltz on our graceful old feet
Accepting no limits, we set ourselves free
To dance in the moonlight with no one to see
Let us dance in the moonlight with no one to see.

©1984 and 1985 Molly Gamblin Music (BMI)

treedancer ...

I gaze up towards the moonlight
Filtered through the leaves above
My spirit rises to the surface
My heart and soul are filled with love

I stretch upon my toes
And reach up into the sky
Choosing just the right star
And beckoning it nigh

I hang the star from branches
Now it twinkles from the tree
With grounding roots beneath

My spirit's now set free

My soul is singing sweetly
As my body heeds the tune
No words, just sparkling melodies
As I dance beneath the moon

The tree begins to join me
As it does a gentle sway
In freedom I find oneness
And all else is washed away

I am dancing in the moonlight
I am swaying with the trees
I am singing with the universe
No one is watching me

My spirit wanders skyward
As my joy engulfs this space
My feet are rooted firmly
As the tree, I now embrace

My silent song is ending
When the sun begins ascent
Melodies, now memories
My energy is spent

I rest in shade so generously
Bestowed above my head
My body curls amongst the moss

This forest - now my bed

And when again I waken
And go about my day
I long again for moonlight
Where I am free to play

My 'Bucket' List

... some are daily reminders

.... some are things that do not need reminding

... some are just wishes...

Make sure my son always knows he is loved

Meet a friend(s) I have not met yet

ALWAYS treat everyone with compassion

Thank the Universe

'Flow Gently'

Live healthier

Minimize clutter - mind body spirit

Read every day

Homemade gifts

Renew passport

Use passport

Volunteer

Write often

Osnat*

Find joy in each day

Live in childlike wonder

Ask silly questions

Live new experiences

Be OPEN

Music music music

(*Osnat is an artist whose abstract, brilliant paintings I enjoy)

Buckets of Gratitude

Several times a year I think about writing up a Bucket List. As a perennial list writer, I would probably have several versions … the ‘Doable-list’; the ‘far-fetched Wish-list’; the ‘Dreams-list’; the ‘what-can-I-do for humanity-list’; etc.

I currently make lists for many things – I have been a list writer for years. I make lists for grocery shopping; I make lists of all the things that need doing this week/month/year. Some days when the list is overwhelming, I add things that I have already done to the list so I can immediately cross them off and not feel like a total failure for lack of time, resources, energy to accomplish anything else remaining on the list!

I certainly could benefit from a Bucket List – a wish-list of all the things yet to be experienced in life. I believe in motivational reminders … eventually they get through to ones subconscious and gently tap you on the shoulder so that you move towards a goal.

For me though, I think I would like to first dig a deep, deep well. Into this well I would place all of the millions of things in life I am grateful for. On days when my Bucket is empty, I can lower it down into the well and pull up random people, experiences and blessings I have encountered in my life. I can laugh, love, savor and relearn from all that has passed. When I peer into the Bucket’s contents I will be comforted; I can laugh and smile at the joys shared; and always be reminded that life has truly been good.

On days when I fill up my Bucket, I can gently place these new blessings down in to the well. There they will sit until needed – those times when I need to dig deep within myself for inspiration; when I need to salve a wound; when I need to surround myself with warmth; when I need to relearn that love exists in the world.

I will dig my deep Well. Over it I will hang my bucket that will be used for both deposits and withdrawals. My list making will go on, with perhaps one little change ….I think my list should contain stars that I call down from the skies. On these stars I will write kindnesses that I will try to fulfill each day for others. Some stars will be for simple moments of pure joy that I experience. Some stars will be for unexpected adventures that I am presented with. All of these stars will be placed in the Well, filling it with light. Like fireflies on a summer’s eve, the light will twinkle with a knowing wink that there are a lifetime of wonders within and always room for more.